Henry Update

 I've had a hard time since I had to take Henry back to the shelter. I wanted it to work so badly. I really think I could have overcome the anxiety. I just couldn't overcome the allergies. But I've still wondered over and over if I did the right thing by taking him back.

Well, today I found out that he's been adopted. I had taken all of his favorite things to the shelter, and they said that they'd send it with a new owner. So Henry has his things that will hopefully help him adjust to a new home and settle in. I'm so glad that the shelter was willing to do that. Henry really loved his sofa, hammock, and large tower. I also sent his litter box and treats. I feel good about him still having some of his things.

Today is the first time I've felt like I did make the right choice. Honestly, it was the only choice, but I still struggled. Now I know that he'll be okay and loved. I'm happy for him.

Adopting a cat...and then not adopting a cat

 Last fall, I started feeling like maybe I was ready to try an emotional support animal. I really struggle with anxiety, and I hoped it would help. I worked with my therapist for months to be ready. I spent that time searching shelters for cats that I'd be a good fit with. I spent over 8 months preparing.

Finally, I was ready. I had done the required work with my therapist to qualify for an ESA, and I finally found the perfect cat. I met him ahead of time at the shelter, and we clicked immediately. He was an orange and white boy. I'm so partial to orange cats!

I waited a couple more days to be absolutely sure, and then I went to adopt my cat. I named him Henry Pawsworth Longfellow, and he was absolutely perfect. He loved me from the beginning. He wanted to be with me at all times. His favorite place was on my lap. We spent hours cuddling and playing.

I didn't really notice that I wasn't feeling well until about a week in. I was achy, itchy, congested, and had a sore throat constantly. Not feeling well made my anxiety spike. I recognized the signs of an imminent downward spiral. That's happened before, and it's not good. Really not good.

I talked with my parents for awhile, and we realized that I am allergic to cats. I haven't had an indoor cat before, so I didn't know. I didn't know it was severe. My beloved Henry was making me so sick. My autoimmune medications suppress my immune system, so I can't fight things off. Taking allergy medications wasn't enough. In the end, I only had one choice. I had to take Henry back to the shelter. It broke my heart.

It's amazing how quickly one can become attached and how deep the hurt is when you have to make a choice like this. I know I did everything right, but it's still devastating to lose my sweet boy. If he'd been a jerk cat, it would have been different, but he was so very good. He was smart, lovey, funny, and so wonderful to have around. Losing him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to face.

Now I'm left feeling even more alone. I'm having to take all of his things out because the allergens are still there. The shelter will take his favorite things so that they can go with him to his new home, so that's good. I'm glad he'll have something familiar to go with him. But oh, how I wish he was staying here with me. I wish I didn't have allergies. I wish I didn't have anxiety. 

But I do. And I have to make impossible choices because of it.

Craziness!!

 Today was the last day of school this year. My former district ended 2 weeks ago, so these last 2 weeks have been looooooooonnnnnnnng and torturous. Everyone (including me) was feral and ready to be done. We finally made it though, and wouldn't you know it, there was crazy involved.

I had a strong feeling this morning that I needed to get to school early. I woke up late, my morning was chaotic, but I just couldn't shake that feeling. So I left before I was entirely ready to go. I got to school about 10 minutes before I usually do. When I got to my door, I thought it looked blurry, and wondered if it was something wrong with my contacts. I opened the door, and a cloud of smoke and electrical fire smell washed over me. I was so scared!

I ran inside (maybe not the smartest thing I've ever done...) and opened the windows. Thank goodness for windows that open. I checked everything I had plugged in, and none of the outlets were hot and none of the cords looked burned. I unplugged everything anyway. I then ran to get our assistant principal (our principal was out today for his daughter's wedding) and she was able to get in touch with the head maintenance guy. Looking back, I wonder why we didn't call the fire department? I have no idea. I blame the last day of school brain.

When the maintenance guy got there within 2 minutes of our call, he went through my room too. He also found nothing, which was a huge relief. I was afraid that I'd plugged something in that was causing the problem. Whew! 

After he went through my room, he opened the utility closet between my classroom and one of my teammate's. He immediately found the problem. I learned that we each have our own furnace (who knew this school was so fancy!) and the control panel on mine had burned. It was burned beyond recognition. It was twisted grotesquely and looked horrifying. The guy told me that we were probably within minutes of flames. What. The. Heck?!

At that moment, my brain jumped to the feeling I'd had all morning. We were within minutes. MINUTES. Hmmm...maybe like the ten minutes early that I got there?

I am SO glad I listened, even though I was having a *morning*. I'm so glad we were able to get to the problem pretty quickly. I'm so glad that we avoided flames. My classroom would have been destroyed, along with the thousands of dollars of educational things I have in there. Yeah, I don't have that kind of money to toss around, and because just about everything in the room is my personal property, the school insurance wouldn't have covered it and I'd be out of luck. I'm definitely thinking about classroom insurance, if that's a thing.

We were unable to use the classroom for the planned activities. It was still smokey and the smell was awful. Maintenance brought in big fans to suck the smoke out, so that cleared pretty quickly. But the smell didn't lessen at all. Ugh. I'm afraid that a lot of things will need a trip to the cleaner. I have a bunch of Idaho pillows that I made while teaching fourth grade, and they weren't in my office. Nothing in my office was affected because the door was closed and apparently it has a decent seal. But the pillows are on top of the cupboards out in the classroom, so they'll have picked up the electrical fire smell. UGH.

All things considered though, a trip to the dry cleaner for my pillows is a small price to pay considering what could have happened.

I hope I always stop and listen when those thoughts pop up.

Summer Plans

 Summer is quickly approaching. My last day of school is June 6, which feels like forever away! I bet it'll come quickly though. My team has a lot of fun things planned for the last week of school. Our third graders are going to love it! 

Monday is Harry Potter Day. We'll sort our students into the four Hogwarts houses and do fun rotations. Then they get to watch the first movie and have treats. I spent today decorating my classroom for the event (we don't have school on Fridays) - I've got floating candles, flying keys, special cupcake wrappers and toppers, portraits, and a trail of mysterious footprints around the room. I'm excited to see my kids' reactions on Monday!

I think I'll probably crash on June 7th, and then I'm headed to California to visit my aunt and uncle, and then Nevada to visit my brother and his family. It will be so nice to get out of town for awhile. This year has been tough health-wise, and going down to third grade after so long in fourth was a hard transition. Developmentally, there's basically a canyon between the two grades. I had to remind myself all year long that the things that were driving me nuts were developmentally appropriate. I think next year will be better because I've gotten more acclimated to third grade. I have a lot of plans for next year to support a much higher level of learning. Fingers crossed that it all works!

I've got a little porch garden going, and my lettuce and spinach are looking fantastic. I need to replant basil, lavender, and catnip. I'm not sure why those didn't come up. I'm now living on the ground floor, so it's a little weird to hang out on my patio, but I may just sit out there and read anyway. 

I'm getting a cat after my vacation. I'm so excited about this! It'll be an emotional support animal. My therapist thinks that would be a good thing for me, and I have to agree. I tried once before and it was a disaster. Mostly because I rushed into it without a lot of prep and my cat was an elderly man who was very set in his ways. I'd had him for years, but he was an outdoor cat and used to having a lot of yard to roam around in. It ended up being a disaster. This time, I decided I needed to take it slower and really make sure I get the right animal. I've also got the cat furniture, toys, and other supplies set up in my apartment already. I figured it would be a good way to get used to the idea before it became a reality. It's feeling normal now to have all the cat stuff around. I can't wait until the end of June!

Of course, I'll spend some time working on new things for the next school year. I've got a ton of task cards to laminate and organize, along with writing conferences and finishing up an outline of my plans. I want to be super ready for next year and my new class. I'm considering flexible seating instead of desks, so I'm working on a DonorsChoose project grant. I hope it gets funded!

I want to read a lot more and get back into cross-stitching and embroidery. It's been hard to do those because it hurts my hands. I've got nodules growing because of the autoimmune diseases, and they hurt. Holding a needle is awful. But, I'm on a new medication (Enbrel) that I'm really hoping will help. I'd love to get back into my hobbies.

That's it for me. I'm looking forward to a relaxing summer!

Plans

 I have plans. Plans that don't include stopping for my autoimmune diseases. Plans that will help me maximize the enjoyment I can get out of my life as it is.

First, I'm making time for hobbies and things I enjoy. Things like cross stitching, learning embroidery, reading, baking, etc.

I'm learning how to make sourdough bread. I had my first successful loaf last week. I'm taking this week off, because I've had a nasty stomach bug. But the satisfaction of baking my first loaf was unreal! The thrill of seeing my creation baking up beautifully. The glorious taste of homemade bread that *I* made.

I'm learning how to do embroidery. I already cross stitch extensively, so embroidery is just another level. I'm leaning new stitches that are just lovely. I have plans for this hobby. Plans that include homemade gifts that will be meaningful rather than things that I happened to find online.

My hands hurt a lot of the time because of my autoimmune diseases, but I'm trying to still pursue hobbies. It gives me purpose.

Second, I'm getting a cat. I've been searching for the perfect fit cat, but all the ones I've hoped to go meet have been adopted already. That just tells me that my perfect fit is still out there. I'm ready to travel to pick up my perfect pet. I have several new candidates that I'm hoping I can meet. This cat will really be a lifesaver for me. An emotional support animal. My anxiety has reached what feels like catastrophic levels and I've got to have help. I can't be with my therapist 24/7, and I adore cats. This feels like the perfect solution.

I tried an ESA once before, and it was a disaster. There were multiple reasons, I think. My cat was an old man who was used to having the free range of the garage and huge yard at my parents' house. He'd never been an inside cat, and it was a very tough adjustment for both of us. I'd never had an inside cat, and I wasn't ready for one to be independent and do what he wanted, where he wanted. I've been discussing this at length with my therapist, and he's helping me to feel ready and prepared. It will be a bit of time yet, but it's coming sooner than I'd though possible. I'm very excited.

The school year is coming to a close rapidly. I can't believe April is nearly over. It's gone by so fast. This has been a tough year. Adjusting to a younger grade level has been hard. I taught third grade when I first started teaching, but then I spent 9 years in 4th grade. There's a huge difference between third and fourth graders. I wasn't ready for the changes. Plus, this group has been tough. They're not poorly behaved at all. We've hit a pretty decent stride for the most part. Motivation has been hard and the tattling...OH, THE TATTLING. It drives me crazy to hear the 'he looked at my funny' whines that I get all day long. It's times like that when I have to stop and remind myself that they are 8-9 years old and this is developmentally normal. It's definitely been an adjustment. Next year will be better because I'll at least be prepared for the differences.

Now I'm just trying to stay healthy (hah. easier said than done) I'm trying to find the energy to get anything done at home on the weekends. (How did I ever work a five-day week?!) I'll be seeing my rheumatologist in May again, and hopefully we'll be able to come up with a better plan. My meds are no longer working and the pain is getting worse by the day. I'm trying, I really am. It's hard. Invisible illnesses are devastating. People seem to think that because they can't see anything wrong, there isn't. But oh, there's so much. Having your own body be at war with itself is incredibly tough and exhausting. I'm trying.