Spiritual Sunday #2: Tender Mercies

I've been thinking a lot about tender mercies lately. If you're not familiar with this term, it's when something just falls into place and feels like a small blessing from heaven. I've gone through times where I feel like I'm not seeing any tender mercies and times when I see an abundance of them. I'd like to share something that started out feeling definitely NOT like a tender mercy and changed into one.

It's no secret that things at my job have been stressful this year. I've been open about that. I've struggled with a lot of physical and mental health issues in the past few years, and it seems like they've been worse this year. Add in the increasingly hostile attitudes towards teachers and public education, and it's been a very tough time. It's hard to be classified as the greatest evil in the country, when all you're trying to do is help kids reach beyond their potential and discover a love of learning. It's hard to see your profession being targeted in so many different ways. It's hard to see states passing laws that literally single out teachers and teacher unions, when other unions are left untouched. It is infuriating when a teacher who is shot by a six-year old is told that she can qualify for workman's comp because being shot is PART OF HER JOB. That's just ludicrous. (The teacher in question is suing her district for $40,000,000 and I hope she wins. Send a message that being shot and/or killed is NOT part of our job. Our job is to teach. End of story.) I don't understand why people who live out their lives in service to their communities are suddenly the devil. I am tired of being collectively called a groomer, an indoctrinator, a threat to society. It's ridiculous and blatantly untrue. I guess people need a boogeyman to blame so that they don't have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Last November, things really came to a head. I was feeling so discouraged about the constant pain I feel and the way education is going, and my mental health tanked. I've been seeing doctors constantly since my hysterectomy in November 2021. I've had so many issues since then, and the pain has increased significantly. It's not excruciating all the time, but it's ALWAYS there. It's like a level 3 every minute of the day. It's so wearing.

I was getting so discouraged by the responses I was getting. Literally every single doctor told me that I was experiencing the effects of menopause. I knew I was having *some* effects from menopause, but all of it? I kept seeking answers, only to be told the same thing over and over. I decided that it wasn't worth my continued frustration to keep seeing doctors. I pretty much gave up on ever feeling better again.

Then in November 2023, two years after my surgery, my mental health tanked. I felt like I was scraping the bottom of the barrel. It was so bad. I was contemplating harming myself, even going so far as to consider perhaps dying by suicide. I had a plan. I HAD A PLAN. Looking back, it's terrifying how close I came. As soon as I realized that I had the means to carry out my plan, I freaked out. I got rid of the medications I was planning to mix, and sought help. The counselors in my area have had a massive wait list since Covid, so I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get in. I knew I didn't have time to wait for the eighteen months it could take. Add in the eating disorder I have been struggling with, and it was a recipe for disaster. (I have atypical anorexia - I don't look anorexic by any stretch, so it's been very hard to get any help or anyone to actually believe me. I just don't eat when I'm alone. I have gotten very good at looking like I'm eating when I'm around people, but it's usually very little and I move food around on my plate a lot to make it look like I've eaten a decent amount. At home alone, I rarely eat. I have gotten extremely good at shutting down hunger signals. My body has gone into peasant mode, and hoards calories because I am literally starving it. Atypical anorexia is extremely dangerous because it doesn't look like anorexia. People struggling with this are statistically less likely to get help because no one believe them. It's deadly.)

I decided I was going to try and see a different doctor. I was going to beg for a referral to a therapist so that I could get the help I desperately needed. When I got an appointment with Dr. Rammell, I was honestly expecting the same thing I'd been dealing with for years. Instead, I got a doctor who spent almost two hours with me, going over literally everything I was experiencing. He listened. He took time to think about what could possibly be the cause. He never once said it was menopause. He said that whatever it was wasn't helped at all by menopause, but menopause definitely didn't cause what I had been going through. At that point, I began to cry. I couldn't help it. I was believed. I was listened to. I was going to get help. 

Dr. Rammell took a ton of blood for test after test after test. He poked and prodded. He listened to my organs and poked some more. He validated my fears about the eating disorder and said it was very brave of me to insist on getting help. He referred me to my current therapist. When my blood tests came back, he called me personally to tell me that I'd tested positive for autoimmune antibodies. I'd heard of autoimmune diseases, but I certainly didn't think I'd possibly have one. I knew basically nothing about them.

He went on to refer me to a rheumatologist who could drill down and accurately diagnose me. It took almost 6 months to get in, but I did. I'm now under the care of Dr. Scoville in Idaho Falls. My first appointment with him took two hours. TWO HOURS with a highly regarded rheumatologist. I couldn't believe it. It took him almost an hour just to question me about what I was experiencing. Then he did more tests. Blood work, flexibility, ability to walk, range of motion, etc. In the end, he said that I am a textbook case of the autoimmune disease Axial Spondyloarthritis (ASA). I'd never heard of that. Basically what it means is that my body is trying to fuse my joints. It starts in the SI joint, hips, mid to lower back, and chest. These are the areas I've had the most pain in. I've been experiencing chest pain for the last 2 years, and I've been to the ER twice in fear of a heart attack. Both times I was sent home with an anxiety diagnosis. I mean, I DO have anxiety, but it wasn't the only cause of my chest pain. To be fair, ER doctors don't have the time to get to an accurate diagnosis. They're there to treat the current issue, and then get you to someone else. In my case, I wasn't referred to anyone else because they really did think I was just having a panic attack.

Photo Credit: My photo of a painting by Yongsung Kim

My disease is incurable. I will have some level of pain for the rest of my life. I will have flare ups when it gets worse. The tender mercy comes in because I CAN be treated. I CAN have a better quality of life. I DO have hope for a better future. I am now on medication that helps control the amount of inflammation, which causes the fusing, which leads to the pain. I haven't noticed a difference in the amount of pain I have during the day, BUT, I have noticed a significant difference in the amount of pain I experience during the night. I've been waking up in pain multiple times a night for YEARS, and I have to get up and walk laps to calm it down. I haven't had to do that after the first week of being on the medication. It's been such a blessing to wake up feeling more rested.

Something that seemed so dire in the beginning actually ended up being a tender mercy because it led me to getting the mental and physical help I needed to push through and work towards getting well. I am in treatment for my ASA, the eating disorder, and some past trauma that hasn't ever been fully resolved. I am making progress! I am working on a better relationship with food and trying to eat small meals at regular intervals. I have started doing yoga because it's one of the exercises I can do (I can no longer do any jumping, twisting, vigorous exercise like Zumba because of the ASA). I am walking more because it's also something that I can do and that is helpful.

Tender mercies come in strange ways sometimes, and they're not always easy to recognize in the moment. In the end though, it becomes clear that what started as a disaster with the potential to turn into a catastrophe was actually a means to get help. God works in mysterious ways.

Recipe: Summer Garden Pasta

A couple years ago, I found the most delightful recipe for the perfect summer dish. I love a good pasta, and this fit the bill for me. The recipe is from the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten. I'll link it below. 

It's a really easy meal to make. All you need are cherry tomatoes (I use regular or grape tomatoes if I don't have cherry tomatoes on hand), olive oil, basil, salt, parmesan cheese, and pasta. It's best to use a good olive oil. It really does affect the flavor of the dish if you use a lower quality oil. I like Colavita brand oil. It has a slightly floral taste, which adds a lightness to the pasta. I also use flaked sea salt (fleur de sel guerande from France, available on Amazon) because it has a more robust flavor than regular salt. 

I don't always have fresh basil on hand, so I use a lightly dried basil (Gourmet Garden brand, available at WalMart). It has a very similar flavor to the fresh basil. I prefer to use freshly grated parmesan, as opposed to the shelf stable variety. It has a marked effect on the flavor of the dish. I like to mix a little parmesan in with the marinade, and then grate some on top. 

Photo Credit: Barefoot Contessa

This is a quick meal for when you don't have a load of time to spend in the kitchen. I do like to prepare it ahead of time, as it's better when the tomatoes have a chance to marinate in the oil, basil, and salt. The flavors blend together beautifully, so it's worth the marinating time.

I like to add shrimp to it sometimes if I'm in the mood to have protein along with my pasta. I also really like it with just the pasta and tomatoes. It's one of those versatile dishes that works really any way you do it. It's light and satisfying. It is good hot or cold - it reheats better than just about any other pasta dish. 

Here's the recipe: Summer Garden Pasta

Let me know if you make it!

Exciting Things!

I have exciting news! I have accepted a third grade position at Henry's Fork Elementary in St. Anthony, Idaho. It's part of the Fremont School District. I am really excited for this change and the opportunities that will arise from it.

Here are some of the things I'm excited for: 

1. Four day week! I can't believe I am lucky enough to move to a district that has a four day schedule. School days go a little longer, which is awesome. I've said for years that I could use an extra hour in the day! We work one or two Fridays a month, but it's a work day and not a student day. So I actually have a chance to enjoy a weekend rather than feeling like I have to go in to make sure I'm caught up.

2. Jeans! I get to wear jeans every day and I don't have to pay to do it! I've always thought it's ridiculous that teachers everywhere don't get to wear jeans regularly. I know the intent is to create a more professional atmosphere, but wearing jeans doesn't make me any less professional when I'm spending time on the floor with my kids in business casual. Jeans just seem more conducive to the job. As a side note, in my former district, I did pay to wear the jeans, because I wanted to support the education foundation who raise money for teacher grants.

3. Prep time! Weird thing to get excited about, right? Not when you're coming from a job where you were lucky to get half an hour once a week. My before and after school hours were filled with meetings, phone calls, etc. so very little actual planning got to happen. I had to stay longer, come in on weekends, or take work home to stay caught up. I actually got to the point where I wasn't willing to do that any longer, because it was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I always gave 100% while I was there, but once contract hours were up, I had to leave for my own sake. Now I will have almost an hour EVERY DAY. Every. Single. Day. I don't even know what I'm going to do with that amount of time! Okay, yes I do. I'm going to work hard to get things done so that I don't have to come in on non-work Fridays or weekends.

4. Pay raise! I will be making more money at my new job than I am at my current job. That's always a plus! I'd like to be able to get out of debt and then buy a house (to get in more debt, but whatever). 

5. New friends! Everyone I've met at my new school is so friendly and kind. I've been lucky in my current job that I've worked with really fantastic people who have become good friends, and even best friends. It will be good for me to get to know new people though, and this gives me a great opportunity to do that.

6. Not living in the same town I teach in! That may sound weird, but I have a hard time living in the community I teach in. I am the kind of person that needs separation between parts of life. I don't like it when my work life crosses with my personal life, unless it's by my own choice with my friends.

7. Mostly the same curriculum. I don't even have to really learn any new curriculum. They have a different math program, but math is math. The language arts and phonics intervention programs are the same as what I've been teaching. They literally just bought these two programs! I'm going in with a head start, and I hope that I can be a good resource for my new colleagues in using these programs.

8. A bit of a drive. Again, a weird thing to be excited about, but I have my reasons. Right now, it takes me less than five minutes to get from home to work. It's not a lot of time to collect my thoughts and decompress. I will have a bit longer commute now. Honestly, it doesn't really even count as a commute, because it'll be 20 minutes max. But I need my quiet time to just be still. I look forward to the quiet of my drive.

9. Having an on-site counselor. This is HUGE. Kids are experiencing more things earlier in life, and I am just not qualified to help them effectively. I don't have the training for these things! I can be sympathetic and try my best, but it's not the same as a mental health professional. I will have access to someone who IS qualified and I am so excited about that. 

10. The peace of mind I have. This year has been really hard on me. I've experienced a lot of mental and physical health challenges in the past few years, and they seem to have really come to a head this year. I am in almost constant physical pain, my anxiety has been worse, and my overall mental health has suffered. I can't blame work for causing the struggles, but it definitely hasn't helped. There's been a lot more stress and feelings of inadequacy; like I can't do anything right. It's been really difficult. I feel at peace with my choice to leave and seek out new employment. I feel like it is the right thing for me at this point in my life. I've also wondered if maybe all the stress has actually been a tool to help me make the right choice. 

I will be able to get into my new classroom the first week in June. I am planning to keep my decor the same - it's very calming and I think it's lovely. I have started packing things already. I don't want to wait until the last week of school and be stressed about it. I am taking the things I don't currently need. It's also giving me a chance to get rid of anything that is outdated or useless. I'm also taking things that belong to me personally, so that they don't get left behind in the shuffle. Most of the things in my room have come out of my pocket, so I'm taking those. I've been able to sell some things too, which is nice. The biggest challenge will be moving my classroom library. It's huge. Massive. Over 4,000 books. I will need to weed out some that might not be suitable for third grade, but I'll be able to use most of them. 

I can't wait to share my new adventures as they unfold!

Ten on Tuesday #4

 

I missed doing a Ten on Tuesday post last week. It was kind of a crazy week, with job interviews, grad school, and other things. Honestly, I'm proud of myself for getting any blog posts done these days!

This week, I'm going to share the ten best things in Paris, according to me. Because I love everything about Paris, these are in no particular order. All photos are my own, except 5 at the Arc de Triomphe - I was still in transit at that time and didn't get to go there on this trip. These pictures are from my nephew.

1. The Louvre. 

The Louvre is amazing. I could spend days there wandering the different wings. Of course, there are the major works that everyone knows. They are stunning and worth visiting. I love being in the presence of greatness. Some think the Mona Lisa is overrated, and they are okay to think that. However, I find her fascinating and mysterious. I love standing there wondering what she was thinking. I love being near the statues - the Venus di Milo, Michelangelo's Slaves, Winged Victory...I could spend all day just studying the exquisite details. I would never, ever go to Paris and skip the Louvre. It's a must for me.

2. Versailles.

Hear me out. So Versailles *is* a bit overrated, in my opinion. However, the wealth of history here makes it worth a visit. Looking at all the extravagant finishes, I honestly couldn't fault the revolutionaries in 1789. They may have gone about it the wrong way (off with their heads), but I can see why it happened. It sometimes takes an up close and personal experience with something to actually see. There are things I didn't get to visit this time - I went from the plane (after 48 hours of traveling because of canceled flights) to the Louvre to Versailles. I was dead on my feet by the time we saw a little bit of the gardens. I'd love to go back and see Marie Antionette's village and explore more of the gardens. There are parts of the palace I know I didn't get to see. So it'll be on my list for next time.

3. Montmartre.

Montmartre is my favorite part of Paris. I could spend days wandering its charming streets and watching the artists in Place du Tertre at work. This time around, I bought two small acrylic paintings from one of the artists, and they're among my most favorite paintings. Montmartre is home to fun shops, hidden gems of museums (the Dali museum is in the area), the Maison Rose (which I didn't get to see, so I obviously need to get back soon), and the famous Moulin Rouge. I've only seen that from a distance, and because it had topless pictures in the windows, I didn't snap any of my own. My favorite creperie is in a corner of Place du Tertre. Citron sucre is my favorite. Yum! I'm salivating just thinking about those crepes. Looking out over Paris from Sacre Coeur gives stunning panoramic views. You can see just about everything, including my favorite Parisian graffiti: can you spot it in the picture below?

4. Sainte Chapelle.

Sainte Chapelle is the most ethereal place I've ever been. The chapel is renowned for its stained glass, and for good reason. It is beyond stunning. It's exquisite. It tells Bible stories, and it's fascinating to look at and see how artisans depicted the stories in glass. Sainte Chapelle is the site of one of my favorite memories in Paris. I got to hear part of Handel's Messiah there. It's not a huge cathedral like Notre Dame, but the acoustics are still amazing. Any time I hear of anyone going to Paris, I tell them that they simply MUST visit Sainte Chapelle. Yet another place I could spend hours in.

5. Notre Dame.

My heart broke back in 2019 when my beloved Notre Dame caught fire. I watched in horror as the spire collapsed and the roof was ruined. I've never felt so despondent. When I saw photos of the interior, I started to feel some hope. The most important things had been saved, including the rose windows. Notre Dame was one of my most favorite places to spend time as a missionary, and I'd so looked forward to going back inside and exploring when I went back. Sadly, it's still closed for renovation, but it will reopen in December! My parents were just there in March, and the spire has been rebuilt and placed atop the cathedral. My heart sang and I felt emotional. I am so glad that it was decided to restore Notre Dame to her original glory, and not try to make any weird statements with the reconstruction. Notre Dame is a special place, and deserves to be seen in all her majesty. Right now, they have a series of bleachers set up in front and you can watch the construction. Much of the bottom of the cathedral is obscured, but you can still see a great deal. I enjoyed sitting there watching the cranes at work. It really brought so much hope.

6. 

Musée d'Orsay.

This museum holds a very special place in my heart. I was on my way to this museum back in 1999 when I had a roller blading accident and tore up my knee. I had to come home from my mission for surgery and everything. It was awful. I hated having to come home early, but I hated that I didn't get to see the museum even more! Okay, maybe not *more*, but a lot. This museum houses my favorite painting in the entire world: Coquelicots by Claude Monet. I have a print of it hanging in my bedroom. This painting makes my heart sing, and seeing it in person for the first time last year was a core memory for me. I stood in front of it in awe, tears running down my face as I finally came face to face with this masterpiece. Someone tried to push me out of the way (rude!), but I was using my cane that day and I made good use of it. I'll let you draw your own conclusions. *wink wink*

7. Eiffel Tower.

Of course the Eiffel Tower was going to make my list. I love the Iron Lady! I love that every time I see a picture, I'm transported there and can almost smell Paris (a good smell, not nasty). I can feel the breeze on my face. This time, my niece was scared to go up. She doesn't like heights (neither do I), so we made a plan. We were going to do our hair and makeup all cute, and wear our cutest outfits and go up together. We did! She was so brave and I was so proud of her. It was a hard thing, but she did it. I love looking at Paris from the Eiffel Tower. We didn't get to go all the way up, because there was a mechanical failure that prevented it. Ugh! I didn't get to go up at all as a missionary. One of these times, I will make it clear to the top!!

8. Arc de Triomphe.

I love the majesty of this arch standing tall on the Champs Elysees. I love that it withstood Hitler and his Nazis. I love that it represents triumph - for me, triumph over hard things. As a missionary, I got to spend some time here. It was awe-inspiring! And, as young people often are, I was crazy and ran across the Etoile - the massive roundabout that circles the Arc, and where no insurance company will cover an accident. Yikes. Am I honestly kind of glad that I did it so that I can say I did? Yeah. I am. Would I do it again? Not a chance. 

9. Paris Architecture.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the buildings in Paris. They're so unique and beautiful. They have so much personality and intrigue. I always look at the buildings and wonder what history they've seen. I love looking at Paris doorways too. They're lovely!  I love wandering the streets and seeing what I can find. Next time I'm there (there WILL be a next time), I am going to take more pictures of what I see around me.

10. The food!!

Of course food was going to make this list. There really isn't anything like French food. It's rich, but not heavy. It's just exactly right. I came home with a goal to eat more like the French. It's something I'm still working on, but I have a stack of French cookbooks to go through. I didn't take pictures of everything I ate in Paris, but here are a few.

There are obviously so many more things I could include. This time, I focused on things that happened on last summer's trip. I could go on for days about all the other things I love about Paris. But I'll save that for another time.

Have you been to Paris? Do we share any favorite things? Let me know in the comments!

Book Review: How to Be French by Janine Marsh

Being French is a dream of mine. Not necessarily *actually* French like in giving up my American citizenship, but French in the way I look, act, etc. There's just something about the French that I deeply admire and I want that for me too. I saw How to Be French on Amazon one day, and I knew this was the book for me. I've read plenty of books on being French, but this one was the best I've read. I loved it!

Here's a synopsis from Goodreads: "Delve into the are of loving and living in every moment.

What does it mean to be French?

Is it pausing to enjoy a glass of good wine or a spread of cheese? Being a flâneur down laneways steeped in history? Knowing just how to dress so you always look effortlessly chic?

This book is a celebration of the French lifestyle - an education in drinking to savor the moment, travelling indulgently, and cherishing food and culture. A lesson in the joy of taking things slowly. We may not all live in France, but anyone can learn how to be un petit plus français with this guide by Janine Marsh."

Honestly, that is so much what I want me to be, minus the drinking. I have felt freer to be myself when

Photo Credit: Goodreads

I'm in France than I do at home. Here, there's so much pressure to fit a mold, to look and act the same way as others. I can't do that. I will never look the way I'm supposed to and I will never be what I'm supposed to (mind you, this is "supposed to" as in what is expected culturally, not my own views). I really needed a guidebook in how to be authentically me. In my case, that looks like being French. Also, I realize how ironic that sounds - not fitting into one mold, but trying to fit in another. I accept the weirdness.

One thing I really love about the French way is the idea of being effortless. Life really isn't that complicated over there. I know, because I have actually lived there, as opposed to being solely a tourist (which I have also done and loved). Normal people seem effortless and real. There are expectations there (no going to Wal-Mart in your pajamas), but they're not insurmountable. 

I think what I love most about the French way is the desire to live life and enjoy it. I am guilty of getting caught up in the details, and stressing out over things that maybe I don't need to be stressed about. The French way is taking time to savor the things around you, whether it's food or an experience. I want that in my life.

Janine Marsh has done a fantastic job of setting out the French way in a manner that is accessible for the most part. Too bad we can't take 2+ hour lunches here. Can't have it all. I'd highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to be more authentic, and not just those wanting to live a French lifestyle. Use the tips and tricks to be your best self no matter where you are. That's what I'm trying to do.

5 stars for this lovely book!

Spiritual Sunday #1: Articles of Faith

I seem to be all memes in my blog posts, with themed days going on. That's okay - it gives me a starting point and ideas for what to write about. I've decided that I'd like to take Sundays to share something spiritual. 

For most people in my circle, I don't think it's a secret that I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe that my church is true, that we have living prophets and apostles today, and that Jesus Christ will come again and make things right on the Earth. In my church, we have a code, if you will, of things we believe. It's called the Articles of Faith. For today's Spiritual Sunday, I'd like to share those with you.

If you would like this free copy of the Articles of Faith, click HERE.

First and Favorite #1

 I love the "First and Favorite" trend going around Instagram right now. If you're unfamiliar, you take a picture of the first book you read by an author and pair it with a picture of your favorite book by the same author. I had a lot of fun doing this. I posted it on Instagram awhile ago, but I decided to start doing them here too. I have so many authors I love that I'll probably make this a series!

Do we share any of the same first or favorite books? Let me know in the comments!

Cover Reveal!

I am so excited that I get to participate in this cover reveal for one of my favorite authors! Remember how Mimi Matthews was featured on my Top Ten Historical Fiction Authors list? Her newest book is coming out in July, and I can't wait for it. I've loved the Somerset Stories series, and this is book 5.

Here's what it's about:

A Victorian bluestocking with a passion for lost causes attracts the unwilling attention of a frost-hearted viscount during her tumultuous debut season in Bath in USA Today bestselling author Mimi Matthews’s fifth book in her acclaimed Somerset Stories series.

West Country beauty Hannah Heywood may be quiet with fashionable strangers, but when it comes to animals in need, she has no trouble finding her voice. Newly arrived in Bath for her very first season, all she desires is to find one like-minded gentleman. A man of warmth and compassion, as sensitive to animals as he is to people. But if such a man exists, he dare not approach her. Not with the tall, blond, and menacing Viscount St. Clare standing in the way.

James Beresford, Viscount St. Clare has often been described as a sentient block of ice. A man so cold and dispassionate, he would never suit a young lady of Hannah’s disposition. And she would certainly never suit him. Focused on repairing his family’s infamous reputation, James requires a diamond of the first water. The daughter of a duke or a marquess, at least, not a simple country girl with a passion for four-legged creatures.

And yet, there’s something about conscience-driven young Hannah that draws James, first to Bath, and then into one increasingly hare-brained scheme after another. She confounds him at every turn, subverting his expectations and threatening to do what no lady has succeeded in doing before—thawing his ice-cold heart.

Doesn't that sound amazing?! I've preordered of course, and you can too! Check out Mimi's website for links. You can also visit Amazon.

Now that you've read the synopsis, here's the cover!

So pretty! I can't wait for this book! What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

Ten on Tuesday #3

 Today's Ten on Tuesday topic is my ten favorite modern bands/singers. I've been thinking about music a lot, and I decided I wanted to share my favorites. I have a lot of favorites from earlier time periods, but I'll share those a different week.

1. U2. I LOVE the way U2 gels. I love that they've been together since 1976 - they're my age! Okay, the band members aren't, but the band is. In my opinion, Bono has the best voice in music today. It's smoky, sultry, and sexy. I could listen to Bono for hours (and sometimes do). The Edge is a mastermind on the guitar, and Adam Clayton is my favorite bassist out there. Larry Mullen, Jr. is brilliant on the drums. I love U2 lyrics. They're so poignant and heartfelt. If I had to choose one favorite U2 song, it would be With or Without You. That song moves me. It speaks to my soul. The Joshua Tree is my favorite U2 album, with Achtung Baby a very close second.

I've been lucky enough to see U2 live three times. Each concert was so different and so brilliant. The first time I saw them was the Elevation tour. My sister and I got tickets and ended up in the general admission section. The heart-shaped stage was surrounded by hundreds of fans. Diane and I ended up on the first row at the point of the heart. We were RIGHT THERE. As luck would have it, Bono spent a good portion of that concert right in front of us. I have a picture somewhere of him looking directly at me. It just happened to be while he was singing With or Without You. Yes, there were tears shed that night. It was transcendent. 

2. Depeche Mode. Dave Gahan is right up there with Bono in the sexy voice department. Another singer I could listen to for hours. I love the edgy, electronic sound that Depeche Mode is famous for. Their lyrics are poetic. The songs are memorable. My favorite Depeche Mode album is Violator, and I'd be hard pressed to choose just one favorite song. I love almost every DM song out there. I was able to see them live in Las Vegas. That concert was awe-inspiring! I loved every second of it. I was there with my other sister, Shelley. We had an amazing time. We sang our hearts out and spent the entire concert on our feet, dancing. When it was over, we left on an emotional high. It was brilliant. The next morning, we found out about the mass shooting that took place. We were right there. We almost stayed at the Mandalay Bay (thankfully, we decided to get on the road and ended up staying in Mesquite). We felt so lucky that our concert wasn't targeted. It could have been. So easily could have been. It was an experience I never want to have again. I'm grateful that I have my memories of the concert to look back on. Sadly, I'll never be able to see Depeche Mode as it was again. Andy Fletcher passed away a couple years ago, and the band will never be the same. I'm so glad I got to see them before he passed.

3. INXS. Speaking of amazing voices, Michael Hutchence. MICHAEL HUTCHENCE. Oh my goodness, that voice. Honestly, he ranks right up there with Bono and Dave Gahan. I've loved INXS for as long as I remember listening to music. I've seen them live too, but sadly, not while Michael Hutchence was alive. The fellow who replaced him for a time was fantastic though, and sounded so much like Michael. I think my favorite INXS song would be Never Tear Us Apart. I love their sound and I love how playful they can be, but also serious and sexy. Good music!

4. The Cure. Ah, Robert Smith. The one time I've seen The Cure live was at an outdoor festival in Salt Lake. It was so fun, but I do wish they'd stuck to more well-known songs. They played their entire new (new at that time) album, and it was unfamiliar. I wanted to hear my favorites! It was still fun - Robert Smith is WEIRD. He looked like a big spider hunkered over the microphone. I had to laugh at that! He's an amazing singer though. I love that voice! My favorite Cure song is Lovesong.

5. Imagine Dragons. I was introduced to Imagine Dragons by my students several years ago. I immediately fell in love with their music. It's the kind of music that gets in your head, but not in a bad way. I haven't had the chance to see them live yet, but I hope to! I did have tickets once, but I got so sick that I couldn't go. I was bummed! Someday. My favorite ID song is Radioactive.

6. One Republic. I really like One Republic, not to be confused with One Direction, whom I do NOT like. One Republic feels like a band for adults, not teenagers. I like that. I like their sound and their lyrics. I'd love to see them live someday! I'd pick Love Runs Out or Apologize as my favorite songs.

7. Adele. That voice! Oh, that voice. The first time I heard Adele, I was in awe. I've always wished I was that powerful, but I don't even come close. I love the emotion, the strength, and the storytelling in Adele's songs. My favorite is Rolling in the Deep, and I love to sing it even though I'm definitely nowhere near her league. Someday, I hope to see her in concert.

8. Coldplay. Coldplay is my go-to on a dreary day. Their songs are so mellow and calming. They're good for my anxiety! I'd love to see them live. My favorite Coldplay song is Fix You. When I was first starting to notice that my mental health wasn't as it should be, I listened to that song on repeat for HOURS. It really did have a calming effect on me, and made me feel like maybe I could actually be fixed. It was lovely!

9. Def Leppard. I don't actually seem like a Def Leppard fan, but I adore them! I like the harder sound, and that it's not metal-sounding. I can still understand their lyrics and hear their voices loud and clear. I think they're brilliant! One time, they played the Eastern Idaho State Fair and boy, do I wish I'd gone! Missed opportunity. My favorite DL song is Pour Some Sugar on Me.

10. R.E.M. I went through a pretty big R.E.M. phase in my 20s. My brother was really into them and got me hooked. I've liked them ever since. I used to be able to play Superman on the guitar, but since I haven't played the guitar in years (maybe even decades?), I can't anymore. I bet I could pick it back up though. I love so many of their songs, but if I had to choose, I'd probably choose It's the End of the World as We Know It.

There you go! Do we share any favorite bands? Let me know in the comments!

Ten on Tuesday #2

This week's Ten on Tuesday focuses on my Top Ten Adult Historical Fiction Authors. It was HARD to narrow it down, because HF is my favorite genre and I love SO MANY authors! 

1. Sarah Sundin

Sarah is first on my list for a great reason: she write World War II fiction, and that's my absolute favorite era. I've read every one of her books and I've loved every one of them. They're all five stars for me! Sarah is a master at bringing history to life. She creates strong characters who are so relatable and realistic. I feel like I'm right there when I read one of her books. I don't think I could choose one favorite among them, because I love them all so much. Sarah is a gem, and sends me signed bookplates for every book. One of these days, my dream is to actually get to meet her and get them signed in person!

2. Nichole Van

Nichole Van write the dreamiest slow burn romances. Hoo boy, do I love her stories! One thing she's a master of is the flawed villain/hero. Her most recent book is probably my favorite: A Heart Sufficient. It features a fellow we all love to hate: Tristan, Duke of Kendall. I disliked him through the previous books in the series, all while also loving him. I do not make sense, I know. Nichole is just such a great writer that it works that way. You love them and you hate them and you can't wait to find out more. I have all of her books on Kindle, and decided that wasn't enough, so I got them all in hard copy. Now I need a signing that I can get to... (hint hint)

3. Sarah M. Eden

I love Sarah Eden's books! They're so sweet and wonderful. She is so good at storytelling and so good at making you feel like you could be part of the world she's writing in. She does grumpy sunshine super well, which I love because that's one of my favorite tropes. Reading a Sarah Eden book is always time well spent. Sarah comes up to Southeast Idaho from time to time, so I've been able to meet her and get all my books signed. I do love signed books!

4. Jen Turano

Every time I read one of Jen Turano's books, I catch myself laughing out loud. Seriously. I can't stop! Her characters are just so funny and witty. They're people I want to picnic with, even though I wouldn't be invited because I am definitely not New York 400 material. Still. They're just delightful people who are a blast to read about. I doubt I could ever make it to a signing (I'm wondering if Jen Turano does signings?), but I can always hope.

5. Heidi Kimball

If you haven't read anything by Heidi Kimball, go fix that right now. She's such a fantastic writer. She draws you in and you're right there living the story. I think my favorite of hers is Where the Stars Meet the Sea (2020). I was teary eyed for so much of it. Not because I was sad, but because I loved it so much! Her other books are must reads as well! Goal: make it to a book signing, because I need these signed!

6. Sian Ann Bessey

So far, I have read all of the Georgian Gentlemen series, which I love. I own a whole bunch of other books that I'm getting to. I'm very interested in her medieval books. I haven't read a ton of books set in that time period, so I'm excited to see what one of my favorite authors does with it. I think one of my favorite things about Sian's books is how they're full of things that could absolutely happen and they're not weird about it. Does that even make sense? I just like that I could be there and it would make perfect sense for me to be. Fun fact: Sian Ann Bessey lives in my hometown, and has done a couple of events here. I've been able to meet her and get my books signed!

7. Rebecca Connolly

I love Rebecca Connolly's historical fiction books so much! They're full of really fun people, crazy situations, hope, and love. I especially loved the Spinster Chronicles. Probably because I am one... I just found those ladies so delightful. I would have loved to be able to take tea with them and write fun, secret columns! I'm just about ready to jump into the third Cornwall book, and I can't wait! Goal: also make it to an event where Rebecca is so that I can get my books signed. I have them all on my Kindle, and also in hard copy.

8. Mimi Matthews

Oh my gosh, Mimi Matthews! Could I even choose a favorite series from her? No, no I could not. I've loved every one of her books and for good reason. They're just amazing. I'm very character driven in my reading, and Mimi's characters are top notch. I have so many book best friends thanks to her. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the next book to come out! I am trying to be strong, but I may have to push the checkout button on my Amazon cart with all her books in hard copy. I have them on my Kindle.

9. Julianne Donaldson

Julianne Donaldson was my introduction to sweet historical romance with Edenbrooke. It's one of my all-time favorite books. Philip - SWOON. One of the highlights of my summer last year was getting to meet Julianne and have my copy of Edenbrooke and Blackmore signed. I do believe it's time for a reread.

10. Nancy Campbell Allen

Nancy Campbell Allen's books are So. Much. FUN! I love steampunk, and NCA is a genius at it. Her books don't fall into the weird steampunk category - they feel like they could be happening. They're so clever and amazing! I loved getting to meet her last summer and have my books signed. Always a highlight for me!

I was going to do an Honorable Mention list as well, but I decided that I'll do other Ten on Tuesday posts where I can showcase all my other favorites. There were so many that I was afraid I'd miss someone!

Now you have a whole bunch of reading to do. You're welcome.

Coming Back after the Flu

Man, last week was ROUGH. I tested positive for influenza and missed the entire week of work, which I haven't done since I had my hysterectomy 2 1/2 years ago. I was so so so so so sick. I didn't even do much reading, which tells you how bad it was! 

Coming back though, was so sweet. Not only because I was going crazy at home, but because my kids were so excited to see me again. I had so many hugs today! It was really nice after a week of zero contact. One thing that really stuck out to me was that several of my kids said they were so happy to have me back because people do what they're supposed to do when I'm there, and that they KNOW what the expectations are with me. There aren't any surprises for them. That's one thing I'm pretty good at - consistency. Kids need it! They crave it, even if it's hard to put it into words.

Being there with the kids is my favorite part of teaching. They're why I stay. It would be easier (much easier) to go a different direction and get into a profession with more respect, better pay, and everything I need to succeed. Public education gets a really bad rap, and sure, in some cases it's deserved. But MOST of us are giving our very best to help these kids succeed. I wish more people would come in and SEE for themselves, instead of listening to talking heads who don't actually know what they're talking about. I wish people would stop trying to gaslight educators into thinking that the way we're treated and paid is appropriate, because IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN. You know who else is in it for the children? Pediatricians. Show me a doctor who gets treated, disrespected, vilified, and paid like a teacher and I'll shut up.

For now, I'll keep doing what I do best: meet kids where they are and help them push harder and reach higher than they thought they could.