Online Dating...THE END.

Well,

Yeah, I'm done. Done with online dating, that is. 

If you've never had to do it, count your blessings. You may have no idea how HARD it is to meet someone normal, or at least less crazy than the last guy. 

You guys.

It's HARD. Seriously hard.

But, but, but...my best friend's cousin's neighbor met the love of their life online!

Fabulous! That's great! I'm happy for them!

THEY ARE NOT ME AND I HAVE A WEIRDO MAGNET, REMEMBER?!

I'm telling you, it's HUGE and probably invisible, but it's definitely there.

So the last time we talked, there was a PROSPECT. He said things pretty much exactly how I would say them, he had the same reading habits as me, and YOU GUYS. He was as nuts as they come.

Things started out fine. I went online to delete my account, because remember how I was getting only weirdos? I had a message from THE GUY and I was so excited and I didn't delete my account.

#REGRETS

So we started chatting, and all was going well, and we were thinking we should meet up soon so that we could determine whether or not to proceed. After my last experience with online dating (the time I was engaged to the probable serial killer), I knew I needed to be able to meet them in person and see if there was anything that threw up a red flag.

We made plans to meet on my way down to Utah. It would be easy for me to swing through Logan on my way to Provo, so that made the most sense. I was excited! I was going to meet an actual guy, and one who loved reading and World War II, and on paper, you guys, he was literally perfect.

Until the conversation continued.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Then he started talking about raging hormones. As in, he literally said I HAVE A MASSIVE CASE OF RAGING HORMONES GOING ON AND WHAT THE HECK AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO INFER FROM THAT?! I can tell you what I DID infer, but I won't, and you're welcome.

My mom thought maybe I'd opened the door to that one, because I'd said something about not being terribly experienced and it having been a long time since my last real relationship. Okay, I can grant that, but he SO did not have to come back with that. I was creeped out.

To be honest, the whole thing was starting to remind me of the serial killer, and I knew I COULD NOT go through that again. Not that this guy was a serial killer, or gave off those vibes, because he totally didn't. It's just that it seemed like it was starting to take over my entire day. This is not entirely his fault, because when he messaged, I responded. Excitement, y'all. But it got to be too much. WAY too much. I couldn't let that happen. I stopped responding, thinking that I'd get back in touch the next day (this was before the raging hormones came out). The last message I saw from him was "Have you been thinking of me during the hours we've been apart?" EWWWWWWWW. Not endearing AT ALL. Why are you suddenly turning into stalker dude?!

I didn't respond to that one, because I'd already decided to just not talk until the next day. But when I woke up, there were 43 messages from him. FORTY THREE. What the actual heck?! Why do I need to know what was on his mind at 2:37 in the morning?! No thank you. I didn't read a single one of them because I knew I'd have major regrets, and nope.

So I just didn't say anything and I deleted my account. I'm done with the crazy, you guys. DONE.

And in the end, I'm SUPER THANKFUL that I didn't give him any contact information. No need to change email addresses or phone numbers this time. WHEW.

I'm a magnet...

...a magnet for the unemployed, looking for a sugar mama type, that is.

Yeah, this online dating stuff is JUNK. I'm not a fan. Really not a fan. It just seems like I attract all the weirdos. I mean, this is not a new thing. I've been attracting weirdos for as long as I can remember, so it's just kind of my lot in life, but I want MORE.

*cue Ariel*

I used to have a seriously long list when I was a teenager. It was full of physical attributes, income requirements, etc.

You guys. I just want to meet a NORMAL guy who isn't 5 feet tall, has a decent job, and is educated enough to converse intelligently. I want someone whose conversation goes beyond 'How you doin?' (I got that message literally ALL DAY LONG from one guy.) I need someone who is active in the Church, honors his priesthood, and goes to the temple.

Is that so hard?

Apparently so.

#disgruntled #almostreadytogiveup

June?

June appears to be about to suffer the same fate as May. In other words, passing by like a blur without me even taking stock of what's going on. Such is life, I suppose.

Just so that this doesn't quite happen, here's what's been going on in June.

1. Summer school. I'm teaching 4th grade for June, including some of the kids who were in my class. That's been fun. It's super relaxed and chill. I've really enjoyed it. We've been able to have a lot of fun in areas that aren't generally considered fun *coughwritingcough*, and that's been awesome. Kids have actually been excited to write! This almost literally NEVER HAPPENS to me because I get the lame trade no one wants to go to. Yay me. I've enjoyed worked with the other teachers I'm partnered with as well. Neither of them teach in my building, so it's been loads of fun to get to know them and learn things from them. I'm hoping to do this every year!

2. I've finished a bunch of books that have been awesome, okay, and not so fabulous. Perhaps reviews will be forthcoming. Perhaps not. Totally depends on time. I've got a week of school left, then a reunion, and then we'll see.

3. I JOINED A DATING SITE GUYS.

Like seriously, I did. I don't even know what I was thinking beyond feeling very tired of being alone and wanting to feel like I was being slightly proactive. This one is LDS (not church sponsored, just church standards {IN THEORY}) and so hopefully the quality of fellows is higher than on other sites.

Okay, I'm not exactly holding my breath for that, because I met my ex-fiance through an LDS dating site and I'm pretty sure he was a closeted serial killer, so...

Look, I'm just taking it slow and being careful. I've been very up front about what I want, what I definitely DON'T want (I'm allowed to do that, BTW. None of this garbage about 'you can go out with anyone at least once' this time. NO, I DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT, THANKS FOR PLAYING BYE.) I had a conversation going with one fellow, and when he found out that one of my requirements was that he make at least what I make, he bailed. Then I looked closer and realized that he was pretty much unemployed, so YEAH. Not looking for a sugar daddy, and definitely not looking to be someone's sugar mama. He also wasn't cool with my politics, which okay, that's fine, but he felt like if I didn't worship at the altar of Trump, we wouldn't match well. That's probably a good thing to find out early, yo. Because I definitely don't worship there, thanks. We wouldn't have gotten along very well at all.

There are a couple of potentials out there, which honestly surprises me. One, in fact, is like me, only a dude. He reads multiple books at once! I've literally NEVER met a guy who does that. I'm hoping we click, because that would be amazing. We'll see.

And in the meantime, WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING HERE AND WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA AND SAVE ME NOW

4. My classroom is almost completely ready for back to school in August. The benefit of teaching summer school and having college students working in the room is that they need teaching time. So while they're teaching, I get to work on other things. Of course, I'm keeping an eye on things and helping where I'm needed. BUT. The huge benefit is that I've been able to get all the little nitpicky things done already. I've updated a couple of decor things that I wasn't loving, printed out all my open house pamphlets, worked up a new substitute binder, made new spelling cards, etc, etc. I've gotten a TON done. Now I feel like I'm going to actually be able to enjoy the summer after school ends. Such a huge blessing! I'm totally not going in after this week until the week before school starts. I have about 800 people holding me to that, so it better happen.

5. I've been working on a major project to sell on Teachers Pay Teachers. Some people actually double (or more!!) their income this way. I'm hoping to get to that point. Right now, I'm creating a HUGE math meeting powerpoint, that is designed to fill the holes that our fancy curriculums don't quite fill. Things like calendaring, time, money, and fact practice. Our program is awesome, but it's lacking a spiral review almost entirely. And the basic skills are non-existent. I guess they felt like by fourth grade, kids wouldn't need those skills? Yeah. Not the best idea ever. So I'm filling holes. I'm also working on some data folder things for TPT, and a multiplication battleship game. In order to sell well, they've got to be all cutesy, and I am DEFINITELY NOT CUTESY, so this is a challenge. But I'm trying.

So there's June. All in all, it's been a pretty good month. Just a flash-by month. Life is good.

Overwhelmed...and some books you should read.

So...remember that one time when I was going to gather all my things into one place and write about them? And how I wasn't going to give up?

Yeah. I sort of gave up for awhile.

The thing is, I've been SO OVERWHELMED lately. It kind of feels like I don't know which way is up, and that's not something I love experiencing. I'm a very organized, task-oriented, driven kind of person, and I haven't been, like AT ALL. I started the year out so strong, with a bullet journal and everything. I peeked in it today, and I figure I left half of February out, and so far, all of March. I'm working on remedying that though. I'm getting it caught up today, even though that's a pretty overwhelming task itself.

I think this winter is really getting to me. Once it became clear that it was pretty much endless snow and no chance of a snow day, I was like, "NOPE." And I was done. I also think I probably have a bit of SAD, and this winter has pretty well confirmed that. I'm usually very good at prioritizing and getting things done, but man have I let things slide lately. I haven't really felt like I could talk about it much, because everyone has their own issues. But it's built up and I'm drowning in it. I needed to get it out somehow, even if it was through my written words and not spoken.

I mean, I'm okay and everything, I just haven't been nearly as focused as I usually am. Plus, the other day on my way home from work I heard this and I was just undone because these last months have been LONELY. I ugly cried, people. Right there in my car with every other driver wondering if they needed to call someone. It's like, "Thank you, life, for kicking me while I was already down." Actually, I've felt like life was kicking me while I was down for the last month or so. Winter has GOT to go.



Without going into the whole story (and yes, there is a story, and no, I'm not going to go into details right now, because it's still pretty raw for me even after months), it just really hit me that I have some regrets where a previous relationship is concerned. I got scared. I ran. I tried to make things better. He wasn't having it. (I don't blame him in ANY WAY, FYI, it was all me. Totally all me.) I know he's not reading this, but I just had to get it out. People, if you're in a relationship and it's good, don't pull an Ems. Don't get scared because it's going well. Let it flow and then just go with it. Don't be like me. Don't have regrets. I hate regrets.
Okay, on to what y'all wanted in the first place: book recs. Here are three that I've finished lately and LOVED.
1. Healing Hearts, by Sarah M. Eden

"Wyoming Territory, 1876

As the only doctor in the frontier town of Savage Wells, Gideon MacNamara knows his prospects for a bride are limited. The womenfolk in town are either too young, too old, or already spoken for. So, being a practical man, he decides to take advantage of the matchmaking service of the day—mail-order brides—and sends away for a woman with nursing experience.

When Miriam steps off the stagecoach in Savage Wells, she sees a bright future in front of her. But when the town—and Gideon—meets her, ready for a wedding, her excitement quickly turns to horror. Somehow Dr. MacNamara's message had gotten turned around. He didn’t want a nurse, he wanted a wife. When she refuses to marry him, she finds herself stranded in Savage Wells with some very unhappy townspeople.But Gideon is not like the other men Miriam has met. Embarrassed by the misunderstanding, he offers her a job, and the two begin an awkward—and often humorous—dance of getting to know each other as they work to care for the people of their town. Romance blossoms between the two, but when a former medical associate of Miriam’s arrives in town, Gideon and the other townsfolk must rally around Miriam to protect her from a dangerous fate. Gideon and Miriam must decide if they are willing to risk their hearts for each other even as buried secrets are brought to light." (Goodreads)
What I liked about it: okay, everything. I just love Sarah M. Eden's work, no matter what it is. She's an autobuy author for me because she's just SO GOOD. I loved the characters, loved the setting (Wyoming? Really?! Yeah, I didn't know I like Wyoming books either.), loved how it all played out. I loved that Miriam was strong in the face of her challenges, and that Gideon was a gentleman through and through. Nothing about this was easy, and yet it all worked out (that's not a spoiler...this is a clean romance novel. If you think things aren't going to work out, I suggest another genre). It was just a really beautiful story that I needed.
2. Caught by Surprise, by Jen Turano

"After years of hiding her true nature, Miss Temperance Flowerdew is finally enjoying freedom outside of the shadow of her relations, so the last thing she expected on her way to work was to be grabbed off the street by a stranger and put on a train bound for Chicago.

When Mr. Gilbert Cavendish is called upon to rescue a missing woman, he follows the trail to Chicago only to discover that the woman is his good friend, Temperance. Before they can discover who was behind her abduction, they're spotted alone together by a New York society matron, putting their reputations at risk.

Even though Gilbert is willing to propose marriage, Temperance is determined not to lose her newfound independence. But when the misunderstanding in Chicago escalates into a threat on her life, accepting Gilbert's help in solving the mystery may lead to more than she ever could have dreamed." (Goodreads)
What I liked: Okay, again, everything. I ADORE Jen Turano! Her books are whimsical, quirky, and full of people that I really want to be lifelong friends with. They're so full of life and fun and everything that I wish I was. I've been cheering for Temperance since the beginning of this series - it's about time she got her due! And I loved Gilbert. He was just the right amount of ornery (I love that in a hero, honestly), but still so incredibly sweet and romantic. Again, just what I needed.
3. Flights of Fancy, by Jen Turano

"Miss Isadora Delafield may be an heiress, but her life is far from carefree. When her mother begins pressuring her to marry an elderly and uncouth duke, she escapes from the high society world she's always known and finds herself to be an unlikely candidate for a housekeeper position in rural Pennsylvania.

Mr. Ian MacKenzie is known for his savvy business sense and has built his reputation and fortune completely on his own merits. But when his adopted parents are in need of a new housekeeper and Isadora is thrown into his path, he's unexpectedly charmed by her unconventional manner.

Neither Isadora nor Ian expected to find the other so intriguing, but when mysterious incidents on the farm and the truth of Isadora's secret threaten those they love, they'll have to set aside everything they thought they wanted for a chance at happy-ever-after." (Goodreads)
What I liked: see above. All of it. Ms. Turano just really has a way with words. I liked them all. I really want to be BFFs with Izzy, and I REALLY need to meet a guy like Ian. If you happen to know anyone...
I can't promise that I'm going to be all gung-ho again, but I'm going to be BETTER. The renewed sunshine really helps, as does an increasing sense of peace that things are going to be okay. It's just going to take some time, and a whole lot more sunshine.