Book Review: A Pursuit of Home

It's been awhile since I talked about a book, so it's fitting to come back with a new favorite!

When she learns the family she thought dead might be alive and in danger, Jess Beuchene knows her secrets can only stay buried for so long. Desperation brings her to Derek Thornbury, an expert in history and artifacts, to help her decipher the clues in an old family diary. Will their search to uncover the truth of the past lead to a future together? (Goodreads)

Kristi Ann Hunter is one of my most favorite authors, and this book reminds me why that is. In this case, Jess was a minor character from previous books who never really stood out to me. She wasn't someone I remembered, and definitely not someone I cared about. Kristi made her larger than life here, and she became a favorite character. I really liked her. She definitely would have the potential to grate, as she is sometimes not very likable, but she really didn't. I think that's part of what makes Kristi such a great author. She's able to take this character who is interesting, and also sometimes very lacking in social skills, and makes her sympathetic.

I really liked Derek. He was very bookish, and I find that very attractive. He's also very into art history, which I also find very attractive. Art History was one of my many majors before I 

finally got myself figured out. Derek was loyal and brave, doing his very best to protect someone who hadn't been very nice to him up to this point.

I liked the conflict. Verbonne seemed so REAL! I actually googled it to see where it was on the map...that's before I read Kristi's notes at the back, where she explained that it wasn't a real country. Could have fooled me! The way it was described reminded me of pretty much every small European country ever. It's very obvious that Kristi did a ton of research on revolutions during that time period, because it all felt very authentic to me.

I really loved this book, and I'm anxious to see what Kristi comes up with next. She's an auto-buy author, for sure! I highly recommend this series. If you're new to Kristi's books, I recommend starting with A Noble Masquerade, as it'll have background information and characters that play into this series.

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**FTC Disclaimer: as a member of Kristi's street team, I received this book for free in exchange for fair and honest feedback.**

On being an introvert and a perfectionist...

Do any of you ever get that BLAH feeling and you just don't want to really engage? That's totally how I've been feeling about having much of a social life. I'm all talk these days. Let's go do something! We should get together! It would be fun to...

The list goes on and on. And I never follow through because I just haven't wanted to. I'm already an introvert, so going out after having already been out all day is just EXHAUSTING.

Okay, I know some people would not believe me for a single second about being an introvert because I'm SUPER GOOD at making people believe otherwise. Really, I could maybe make it as an actress if I only fit the current standard of beauty. Blah blah blah. Whatever.

No, I really am an introvert. When I get home, I am DONE. FINISHED. THE END. I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, interact in any way that requires actually speaking. I will sometimes text, but even that gets to be too much sometimes. It totally depends on the situation.

ANYWAY.

This all comes up because I am doing a Veteran's Day assembly at school on Monday, and I am DREADING IT. I shouldn't be dreading it. Veteran's Day is a super special day for me, and I always love talking about and honoring veterans.

Here's the thing: in addition to being an introvert, I am also a raging perfectionist, and the very thought of something not going as planned STRESSES ME OUT. Even though I know FULL WELL that I can't have everything work out every time. It doesn't matter. I still get super anxious about things like this because WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. Something will go wrong. This is a given. Knowing this does not in any way lessen my anxiety about it.

I am only a perfectionist when it comes to myself. I have this weird obsession about HAVING TO BE PERFECT at all times, and I'm totally not, so I'm constantly stressed about not being perfect. I KNOW. Circular argument in every sense.

It's awful.

Other people don't have to be perfect, even though I'll be fully honest and admit that it stresses me out there too when people don't do it the way I would, but I'm pretty good at keeping my mouth shut and just stressing in private.

I'm working on it.

Online Dating...THE END.

Well,

Yeah, I'm done. Done with online dating, that is. 

If you've never had to do it, count your blessings. You may have no idea how HARD it is to meet someone normal, or at least less crazy than the last guy. 

You guys.

It's HARD. Seriously hard.

But, but, but...my best friend's cousin's neighbor met the love of their life online!

Fabulous! That's great! I'm happy for them!

THEY ARE NOT ME AND I HAVE A WEIRDO MAGNET, REMEMBER?!

I'm telling you, it's HUGE and probably invisible, but it's definitely there.

So the last time we talked, there was a PROSPECT. He said things pretty much exactly how I would say them, he had the same reading habits as me, and YOU GUYS. He was as nuts as they come.

Things started out fine. I went online to delete my account, because remember how I was getting only weirdos? I had a message from THE GUY and I was so excited and I didn't delete my account.

#REGRETS

So we started chatting, and all was going well, and we were thinking we should meet up soon so that we could determine whether or not to proceed. After my last experience with online dating (the time I was engaged to the probable serial killer), I knew I needed to be able to meet them in person and see if there was anything that threw up a red flag.

We made plans to meet on my way down to Utah. It would be easy for me to swing through Logan on my way to Provo, so that made the most sense. I was excited! I was going to meet an actual guy, and one who loved reading and World War II, and on paper, you guys, he was literally perfect.

Until the conversation continued.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Then he started talking about raging hormones. As in, he literally said I HAVE A MASSIVE CASE OF RAGING HORMONES GOING ON AND WHAT THE HECK AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO INFER FROM THAT?! I can tell you what I DID infer, but I won't, and you're welcome.

My mom thought maybe I'd opened the door to that one, because I'd said something about not being terribly experienced and it having been a long time since my last real relationship. Okay, I can grant that, but he SO did not have to come back with that. I was creeped out.

To be honest, the whole thing was starting to remind me of the serial killer, and I knew I COULD NOT go through that again. Not that this guy was a serial killer, or gave off those vibes, because he totally didn't. It's just that it seemed like it was starting to take over my entire day. This is not entirely his fault, because when he messaged, I responded. Excitement, y'all. But it got to be too much. WAY too much. I couldn't let that happen. I stopped responding, thinking that I'd get back in touch the next day (this was before the raging hormones came out). The last message I saw from him was "Have you been thinking of me during the hours we've been apart?" EWWWWWWWW. Not endearing AT ALL. Why are you suddenly turning into stalker dude?!

I didn't respond to that one, because I'd already decided to just not talk until the next day. But when I woke up, there were 43 messages from him. FORTY THREE. What the actual heck?! Why do I need to know what was on his mind at 2:37 in the morning?! No thank you. I didn't read a single one of them because I knew I'd have major regrets, and nope.

So I just didn't say anything and I deleted my account. I'm done with the crazy, you guys. DONE.

And in the end, I'm SUPER THANKFUL that I didn't give him any contact information. No need to change email addresses or phone numbers this time. WHEW.

I'm a magnet...

...a magnet for the unemployed, looking for a sugar mama type, that is.

Yeah, this online dating stuff is JUNK. I'm not a fan. Really not a fan. It just seems like I attract all the weirdos. I mean, this is not a new thing. I've been attracting weirdos for as long as I can remember, so it's just kind of my lot in life, but I want MORE.

*cue Ariel*

I used to have a seriously long list when I was a teenager. It was full of physical attributes, income requirements, etc.

You guys. I just want to meet a NORMAL guy who isn't 5 feet tall, has a decent job, and is educated enough to converse intelligently. I want someone whose conversation goes beyond 'How you doin?' (I got that message literally ALL DAY LONG from one guy.) I need someone who is active in the Church, honors his priesthood, and goes to the temple.

Is that so hard?

Apparently so.

#disgruntled #almostreadytogiveup

June?

June appears to be about to suffer the same fate as May. In other words, passing by like a blur without me even taking stock of what's going on. Such is life, I suppose.

Just so that this doesn't quite happen, here's what's been going on in June.

1. Summer school. I'm teaching 4th grade for June, including some of the kids who were in my class. That's been fun. It's super relaxed and chill. I've really enjoyed it. We've been able to have a lot of fun in areas that aren't generally considered fun *coughwritingcough*, and that's been awesome. Kids have actually been excited to write! This almost literally NEVER HAPPENS to me because I get the lame trade no one wants to go to. Yay me. I've enjoyed worked with the other teachers I'm partnered with as well. Neither of them teach in my building, so it's been loads of fun to get to know them and learn things from them. I'm hoping to do this every year!

2. I've finished a bunch of books that have been awesome, okay, and not so fabulous. Perhaps reviews will be forthcoming. Perhaps not. Totally depends on time. I've got a week of school left, then a reunion, and then we'll see.

3. I JOINED A DATING SITE GUYS.

Like seriously, I did. I don't even know what I was thinking beyond feeling very tired of being alone and wanting to feel like I was being slightly proactive. This one is LDS (not church sponsored, just church standards {IN THEORY}) and so hopefully the quality of fellows is higher than on other sites.

Okay, I'm not exactly holding my breath for that, because I met my ex-fiance through an LDS dating site and I'm pretty sure he was a closeted serial killer, so...

Look, I'm just taking it slow and being careful. I've been very up front about what I want, what I definitely DON'T want (I'm allowed to do that, BTW. None of this garbage about 'you can go out with anyone at least once' this time. NO, I DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT, THANKS FOR PLAYING BYE.) I had a conversation going with one fellow, and when he found out that one of my requirements was that he make at least what I make, he bailed. Then I looked closer and realized that he was pretty much unemployed, so YEAH. Not looking for a sugar daddy, and definitely not looking to be someone's sugar mama. He also wasn't cool with my politics, which okay, that's fine, but he felt like if I didn't worship at the altar of Trump, we wouldn't match well. That's probably a good thing to find out early, yo. Because I definitely don't worship there, thanks. We wouldn't have gotten along very well at all.

There are a couple of potentials out there, which honestly surprises me. One, in fact, is like me, only a dude. He reads multiple books at once! I've literally NEVER met a guy who does that. I'm hoping we click, because that would be amazing. We'll see.

And in the meantime, WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING HERE AND WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA AND SAVE ME NOW

4. My classroom is almost completely ready for back to school in August. The benefit of teaching summer school and having college students working in the room is that they need teaching time. So while they're teaching, I get to work on other things. Of course, I'm keeping an eye on things and helping where I'm needed. BUT. The huge benefit is that I've been able to get all the little nitpicky things done already. I've updated a couple of decor things that I wasn't loving, printed out all my open house pamphlets, worked up a new substitute binder, made new spelling cards, etc, etc. I've gotten a TON done. Now I feel like I'm going to actually be able to enjoy the summer after school ends. Such a huge blessing! I'm totally not going in after this week until the week before school starts. I have about 800 people holding me to that, so it better happen.

5. I've been working on a major project to sell on Teachers Pay Teachers. Some people actually double (or more!!) their income this way. I'm hoping to get to that point. Right now, I'm creating a HUGE math meeting powerpoint, that is designed to fill the holes that our fancy curriculums don't quite fill. Things like calendaring, time, money, and fact practice. Our program is awesome, but it's lacking a spiral review almost entirely. And the basic skills are non-existent. I guess they felt like by fourth grade, kids wouldn't need those skills? Yeah. Not the best idea ever. So I'm filling holes. I'm also working on some data folder things for TPT, and a multiplication battleship game. In order to sell well, they've got to be all cutesy, and I am DEFINITELY NOT CUTESY, so this is a challenge. But I'm trying.

So there's June. All in all, it's been a pretty good month. Just a flash-by month. Life is good.

Well, May just kind of happened.

Honestly, I look back over the last few weeks and they're pretty much a giant blur. Did I do anything? Did I even finish school?

There are times I'm not sure! Although, having started summer school, I'm pretty sure that the end of school was back there somewhere. It's hazy.

Anyway, I'm teaching summer school for the first time this year, and I'm enjoying it. It's so much fun! It's really a whole different ball game than regular session school. No pressure, no grades, just a lot of fun. I'm teaching the writing portion (figures...), so I'm trying out some things that I may want to incorporate in my writing classes this fall.

The best part is that I'm able to spend a little extra time each day prepping for the new school year. I don't have to change much in my room, so it's just little things. By the time summer school is out, I'll be completely ready for back to school! I'm not going in until the week before school starts.

This means I have plenty of time to get my Teachers Pay Teachers store up and running. I've got all these ideas for products, but haven't really had a ton of time to work on them. Last year, I was busy prepping a new classroom theme, new curriculum, and all sorts of other things that came up. None of that is happening this year, so I'm going all out on TPT.

Hold me accountable, please?!

Book Review: The Governess of Penwythe Hall

"Cornwall was in her blood, and Delia feared she’d never escape its hold.

Cornwall, England, 1811
Blamed for her husband’s death, Cordelia Greythorne fled Cornwall and accepted a governess position to begin a new life. Years later her employer’s unexpected death and his last request to watch over his five children force her to reevaluate. She can’t abandon the children now that they’ve lost both parents, but their new guardian lives at the timeworn Penwythe Hall . . . back on the Cornish coast she tries desperately to forget.

Jac Trethewey is determined to revive Penwythe Hall’s once-flourishing apple orchards, and he’ll stop at nothing to see his struggling estate profitable again. He hasn’t heard from his brother in years, so when his nieces, nephews, and their governess arrive unannounced at Penwythe Hall, he battles both grief of this brother’s death and bewilderment over this sudden responsibility. Jac’s priorities shift as the children take up residence in the ancient halls, but their secretive governess—and the mystery shrouding her past—proves to be a disruption to his carefully laid plans.Rich with family secrets, lingering danger, and the captivating allure of new love, this first book in the Cornwall Novels series introduces us to the Twethewey family and their search for peace, justice, and love on the Cornish coast."

Photo Credit: Goodreads

(Goodreads)

**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.**

I jumped at the chance to read and review Sarah Ladd’s newest book. I really love her writing, and I knew this wouldn’t disappoint. I was right! Once again, Sarah put out a beautiful story with characters I loved. Her setting was breathtaking and I found myself walking to Cornish paths with Delia and Jac.

There was plenty of action to keep the pace hopping. I’m very particular about the action in a book, because I STRONGLY dislike an “and then...and then...and then” feeling. This book hit it just right. Perfect pacing and no literary whiplash. I really liked how things were resolved, and I can’t wait to return to Cornwall in the next installment.

In all, this is a super uplifting story that will appeal to clean romance fans everywhere. If you haven’t read any of Sarah’s books, I suggest that you remedy this immediately! The Governess of Penwythe Hall is an excellent place to start.

Look, we need to have a serious talk.

So this weekend has been kind of a raw one. (Note, not a BAD one. There's difference between raw and bad.) We had a beautiful discussion/council in Relief Society today about our mindsets and how we can change them. How we can combat Satan's constant whisperings that we're not enough. I had so many FEELINGS, y'all. So many. I actually took notes in church, which I literally never do. I should. I definitely should.

So the rawness actually started a couple weeks ago when I read a couple of Facebook posts from two women I respect and admire greatly. They were open and honest about what they saw as their shortcomings. They talked about their struggles to be "perfect," or at least to seem that way. I wondered how on earth women like that could have those feelings. Those are the kinds of feelings that *I* have because *I* am so imperfect. It's always seemed to me (inaccurately, let me add) that I'm just not to the 'good enough' point where I don't have to have struggles anymore.

Okay, let's address ALL THE WRONG things about that mindset.

1. Can we talk about how NO ONE is immune from struggles? 

CS Lewis said, "Life with God is not IMMUNITY from trials, but PEACE during them." (probably paraphrased, and emphasis added, but you get the picture)

I love that. It was mentioned yesterday in Time Out for Women, which I attended with my mom. SO incredibly uplifting. I've so often thought that if I could just be a little better at scripture study, or a little more fervent in my prayers, or a little more consistent at attending the temple, or or or or, then I wouldn't have the trials that I have.

That is SO FALSE. A dear sister pointed out today that we are spiritual beings having a mortal existence. A mortal existence comes with mortal trials. Our goodness doesn't dictate what those trials are going to be. My goodness shouldn't come with a side of forever single, yo. But it does. My goodness has nothing to do with my lack of a husband. It's just part of my mortal trial. It's something that's hard for me, but something I'm constantly learning how to deal with and still be happy. 

Some of my trials ARE because of my choices. I chose to not be as diligent in my exercise as I should have been when I was younger, and now it's harder for me to take up the habit. I've packed on more pounds than I'd like because of my own choices. That has nothing to do with my goodness. It has everything to do with my mortal choices. Am I paying a price? Yes, yes I am. Am I working to make better choices? Again, yes I am.


2. The idea that we have to be perfect is ridiculous. 

Okay, it's definitely ridiculous, but it's also incredibly prevalent. Women definitely suffer from it, men suffer from it, and so do children.

One thing that was said yesterday really stuck with me:

"We are all LOST and FALLEN, but we are KNOWN and LOVED INFINITELY by God."

There's got to be more power in that than in the idea that somehow I've got to be perfect in order for Him to take any interest in me. As a mortal being, I *cannot* be perfect. I cannot. I will ALWAYS make mistakes. I will ALWAYS fall short. I will ALWAYS think of things I need to do in order to be better. None of those things preclude me from God's infinite love.

When I can get that through my thick head, I feel so much better about myself and my progress. Sometimes it sticks, and sometimes it has to be ramrodded back in. Usually through a trial of some sort. #naturally

3. Shortcomings.

Ooh, this one really gets me. Like, REALLY GETS ME. 

I am SO GOOD about saying things like "this is who I am" and "I am beautiful as I am" and "I love myself for who I am" and then NOT BELIEVING ANY OF IT.

Seriously. It's like I'm constantly lying to myself about all these good things because I don't actually believe them.

Take this morning for example.

I bought a DARLING navy and white striped skirt at Time Out this weekend. I love this skirt so much. It has *gasps**horrors**sobs* HORIZONTAL STRIPES. Yes, you read that correctly. I bought a skirt (okay, TWO SKIRTS) with horizontal stripes. 

Why? Because I loved them.

BUT EMILY, GIRLS OF YOUR SIZE AND SHAPE SHOULD NOT EVER WEAR HORIZONTAL STRIPES BECAUSE FATNESS.

This is seriously my inner dialogue when it's being NICE to me.

Here's what it sounded like this morning when it wasn't being nice to me:

Me: *puts on navy horizontally striped skirt and goes to admire in the mirror*

Also Me: WHY ARE YOU WEARING HORIZONTAL STRIPES YOU FAT COW GROSS AND SICK AND VOMIT

Me: Well, I really love this skirt, and look how I paired it with a gray sweater and brown boots and isn't it just adorable?

Also Me: NO, NO IT IS NOT ADORABLE YOU GROSSNESS NOW PEOPLE WILL SEE HOW FAT YOU ARE AND ALSO GROSS AND PEOPLE AT CHURCH WILL KNOW HOW FAT YOU ARE

Me: Look, Also Me, if people at church don't already know that, they must not have very good eyesight. *throat punches Also Me and wears said skirt to church*

(Let it be known that when I got to church, here is what I actually heard: "Wow, I love that skirt on you!" "You have such great style! I wouldn't have known to pair those things!" "I think you're one of the women who SHOULD wear horizontal stripes!" Literal quotes, yo.)

Okay, humorous, but also very sad. Yes, I really do talk to myself like that. Yes, I do say the meanest possible things I could say that I would never say to any other person even if I hated them. Yes, I am verbally abusive to myself. THIS TIME, I throat punched Also Me and did what I wanted, but it doesn't always end well. Some days it ends in tears and not feeling like I'm worth even a tarnished penny.

Why?

WHY??!?!??!

It's because Satan has such a grasp on self-image. He's worked the idea that we all have to look a certain way and be a certain size into our versions of normal, so now it IS the norm. We look at ourselves, and if we aren't fitting into that vision, we don't fit at all.

How on earth is that okay? How have we let it become okay?

Guess what? My ideal self IS NOT A SIZE TWO. My ideal self DOES HAVE CURVES AND LOTS OF THEM. My ideal self WILL NEVER FIT INTO WHAT SOCIETY SAYS IT SHOULD BE.

I have to be okay with that. I have to LEARN how to be okay with that, because it's no longer innate to be okay with less than what society says is perfect. I think it was, at one point. I think when I (and all of us) was a child, it was easy to accept myself and to know that God loves me and to know that He doesn't care that my thighs will never have a fashionable gap between them. He DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THAT BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT SO MUCH MORE. Does this mean that I get a pass on taking care of myself? NO. That is not what I'm saying at all. In fact, I AM working to lose weight. I AM working to get strong and healthy. But it's because I need to do that for ME, and not because I'm trying to reach something unattainable.

God doesn't love me because of my size, or in spite of it. He just loves me because I am His child. He recognizes in me the Godly attributes that He gave me, even when I don't recognize them myself. He sees the potential in me that He gave me, even when I am not living up to it.

There's so much more to life than trying to just not live up to my perceived shortcomings.

I really want to share some of the quotations that I wrote down yesterday at Time Out. The theme was all about receiving personal revelation and hearing the Lord. I wondered if I even do that, and 26 pages of notes later, my mom said oh yes I do.

Here are some thoughts:

"I have been reserved for because I am MAGNIFICENT." (Raise your hand if you've ever really told yourself that you're magnificent. I know my hand is firmly DOWN. It shouldn't be.)

"God is in the details, even when it feels like He's not even aware."

"Look who showed up to be the pinata." (The Sistas in Zion are the literal BEST and I want to be BFFs with them. This is what they said after someone mentioned a snarky comment someone else had made to them when they arrived at an activity...you know the comments, "Oh, look who actually showed up..." You've heard them. Now I really want someone to say this to me because I know what I will say back.)

Live vertically - make your focus upwards, towards God, instead of horizontally, towards the world.

In speaking of Hagar in the Old Testament, who went into the wilderness with her son to die, "Sometimes God doesn't take away the wilderness. Sometimes He shows us the well." I love that one so much. It tells me that God isn't necessarily going to take away my trials, but He will show me a way to get through them.

As you SEEK to HEAR the voice of the Lord, TURN to the scriptures. Those are all action verbs. ACTION.

If God could help Moses, then God can help ME.

We are going to do something EXTRAORDINARY.  This was Emma Smith, speaking of the Relief Society.

STOP living beneath your privilege. This one took my breath away because I am guilty of totally living beneath my privilege. I need to knock it off and start rising up to my privilege.

Stop telling God how BIG your mountains are and start telling your mountains how BIG your God is. I love that one probably the most. No matter how big and impossible my trials may feel, they are NOT bigger than God and Jesus. They aren't.

God reveals Himself to us in our UTMOST NEEDS. In looking back over my life and my trials, I can most definitely see the hand of God in there. He really did lift me during those hardest times and He helped me get through things I didn't feel strong enough to get through.

Finally, Heavenly Father and Jesus LOVE ME, imperfect as I am.

Motivation

Ah, motivation. I sometimes wonder why that's even a word, because I seem to not really know what it means.

Honestly.

That's got to change though, because I'm learning that lack of motivation is REALLY unhealthy. I've been so stressed out and tired (read: exhausted) for SO LONG that I've lost all my motivation for pretty much anything. Sadly, that included regular exercise. I think the last time I took care of myself with any regularity was 6 years ago. SIX. YEARS.

That's a long time to be cruel to yourself.

No more.

NO MORE!!!

I'm taking back control, and looking for my motivation. Right now, that's in the form of my teacher bestie, Nikki. We decided that we were going to do this together and do it right. Both of us are the kind of people that when we get home, we are HOME. None of this go out and do other things junk. Nope, we're homebodies. So we chose to work out after school, in my classroom. We both really like Zumba, so that's what we're doing. (Coincidentally, it's also literally the only form of exercise that I've ever actually loved, and that's ever actually worked.) We just bring workout clothes, change in the bathroom, and then work out. So far, we're two for two, even though we BOTH tried to come up with an excuse to not have to do it today. But we persevered! We did it! I'm really proud of us, because this is kind of a milestone.

It helps me so much to have a buddy for things like this. A buddy to actually work out with, and a buddy to help me stay motivated to do the workouts. I can't wait to see where this takes us! (I'm guessing it's going to be into my skinny clothes box that's been sitting in my closet for the last 6 years...bring on those clothes!!)

Overwhelmed...and some books you should read.

So...remember that one time when I was going to gather all my things into one place and write about them? And how I wasn't going to give up?

Yeah. I sort of gave up for awhile.

The thing is, I've been SO OVERWHELMED lately. It kind of feels like I don't know which way is up, and that's not something I love experiencing. I'm a very organized, task-oriented, driven kind of person, and I haven't been, like AT ALL. I started the year out so strong, with a bullet journal and everything. I peeked in it today, and I figure I left half of February out, and so far, all of March. I'm working on remedying that though. I'm getting it caught up today, even though that's a pretty overwhelming task itself.

I think this winter is really getting to me. Once it became clear that it was pretty much endless snow and no chance of a snow day, I was like, "NOPE." And I was done. I also think I probably have a bit of SAD, and this winter has pretty well confirmed that. I'm usually very good at prioritizing and getting things done, but man have I let things slide lately. I haven't really felt like I could talk about it much, because everyone has their own issues. But it's built up and I'm drowning in it. I needed to get it out somehow, even if it was through my written words and not spoken.

I mean, I'm okay and everything, I just haven't been nearly as focused as I usually am. Plus, the other day on my way home from work I heard this and I was just undone because these last months have been LONELY. I ugly cried, people. Right there in my car with every other driver wondering if they needed to call someone. It's like, "Thank you, life, for kicking me while I was already down." Actually, I've felt like life was kicking me while I was down for the last month or so. Winter has GOT to go.



Without going into the whole story (and yes, there is a story, and no, I'm not going to go into details right now, because it's still pretty raw for me even after months), it just really hit me that I have some regrets where a previous relationship is concerned. I got scared. I ran. I tried to make things better. He wasn't having it. (I don't blame him in ANY WAY, FYI, it was all me. Totally all me.) I know he's not reading this, but I just had to get it out. People, if you're in a relationship and it's good, don't pull an Ems. Don't get scared because it's going well. Let it flow and then just go with it. Don't be like me. Don't have regrets. I hate regrets.
Okay, on to what y'all wanted in the first place: book recs. Here are three that I've finished lately and LOVED.
1. Healing Hearts, by Sarah M. Eden

"Wyoming Territory, 1876

As the only doctor in the frontier town of Savage Wells, Gideon MacNamara knows his prospects for a bride are limited. The womenfolk in town are either too young, too old, or already spoken for. So, being a practical man, he decides to take advantage of the matchmaking service of the day—mail-order brides—and sends away for a woman with nursing experience.

When Miriam steps off the stagecoach in Savage Wells, she sees a bright future in front of her. But when the town—and Gideon—meets her, ready for a wedding, her excitement quickly turns to horror. Somehow Dr. MacNamara's message had gotten turned around. He didn’t want a nurse, he wanted a wife. When she refuses to marry him, she finds herself stranded in Savage Wells with some very unhappy townspeople.But Gideon is not like the other men Miriam has met. Embarrassed by the misunderstanding, he offers her a job, and the two begin an awkward—and often humorous—dance of getting to know each other as they work to care for the people of their town. Romance blossoms between the two, but when a former medical associate of Miriam’s arrives in town, Gideon and the other townsfolk must rally around Miriam to protect her from a dangerous fate. Gideon and Miriam must decide if they are willing to risk their hearts for each other even as buried secrets are brought to light." (Goodreads)
What I liked about it: okay, everything. I just love Sarah M. Eden's work, no matter what it is. She's an autobuy author for me because she's just SO GOOD. I loved the characters, loved the setting (Wyoming? Really?! Yeah, I didn't know I like Wyoming books either.), loved how it all played out. I loved that Miriam was strong in the face of her challenges, and that Gideon was a gentleman through and through. Nothing about this was easy, and yet it all worked out (that's not a spoiler...this is a clean romance novel. If you think things aren't going to work out, I suggest another genre). It was just a really beautiful story that I needed.
2. Caught by Surprise, by Jen Turano

"After years of hiding her true nature, Miss Temperance Flowerdew is finally enjoying freedom outside of the shadow of her relations, so the last thing she expected on her way to work was to be grabbed off the street by a stranger and put on a train bound for Chicago.

When Mr. Gilbert Cavendish is called upon to rescue a missing woman, he follows the trail to Chicago only to discover that the woman is his good friend, Temperance. Before they can discover who was behind her abduction, they're spotted alone together by a New York society matron, putting their reputations at risk.

Even though Gilbert is willing to propose marriage, Temperance is determined not to lose her newfound independence. But when the misunderstanding in Chicago escalates into a threat on her life, accepting Gilbert's help in solving the mystery may lead to more than she ever could have dreamed." (Goodreads)
What I liked: Okay, again, everything. I ADORE Jen Turano! Her books are whimsical, quirky, and full of people that I really want to be lifelong friends with. They're so full of life and fun and everything that I wish I was. I've been cheering for Temperance since the beginning of this series - it's about time she got her due! And I loved Gilbert. He was just the right amount of ornery (I love that in a hero, honestly), but still so incredibly sweet and romantic. Again, just what I needed.
3. Flights of Fancy, by Jen Turano

"Miss Isadora Delafield may be an heiress, but her life is far from carefree. When her mother begins pressuring her to marry an elderly and uncouth duke, she escapes from the high society world she's always known and finds herself to be an unlikely candidate for a housekeeper position in rural Pennsylvania.

Mr. Ian MacKenzie is known for his savvy business sense and has built his reputation and fortune completely on his own merits. But when his adopted parents are in need of a new housekeeper and Isadora is thrown into his path, he's unexpectedly charmed by her unconventional manner.

Neither Isadora nor Ian expected to find the other so intriguing, but when mysterious incidents on the farm and the truth of Isadora's secret threaten those they love, they'll have to set aside everything they thought they wanted for a chance at happy-ever-after." (Goodreads)
What I liked: see above. All of it. Ms. Turano just really has a way with words. I liked them all. I really want to be BFFs with Izzy, and I REALLY need to meet a guy like Ian. If you happen to know anyone...
I can't promise that I'm going to be all gung-ho again, but I'm going to be BETTER. The renewed sunshine really helps, as does an increasing sense of peace that things are going to be okay. It's just going to take some time, and a whole lot more sunshine.

A thing that happened...

So a thing happened today that made me stop and think about stuff. I've been really sick and miserable, and just not wanting to do literally anything. I went for three DAYS without reading and if you know me well, you KNOW that's like rock bottom for me. I've had a hard time really getting back into the swing of things, though I've been trying hard. I still don't feel great, but I'm making progress.

Anyway, I was walking down the hallway to the teacher lunch room (I KNOW, people always say to avoid that room like the plague, but you guys. I NEED tall talk after a morning of boogers, bodily functions, drama, tattling, and everything else that goes along with little ones), and I passed a group of first graders. One of them walked past my classroom every day last year, and wouldn't pass without giving me and the other fourth grade teachers a giant hug. Now, this gal is pocket-sized, and just the cutest thing, so her giant hugs are absolutely adorable. Anyway. She gives me her giant hug on my way down to lunch and is all happy. One of her classmates gets into a faceoff with her, puts his hands on his hips and demands to know if I'm her aunt or something. He wants to know why she's always hugging me.

This girl. Oh, this girl!! She puts her hands right back on her hips, faces off with Mr. Snarky, and says in a very loud first grade tiny person voice, "NO, SHE IS TOTALLY ONE OF MY BFFs." And then turned around, got back in line, and went on her merry way. She was not having it. Not even a little. She stood up, made it known that her action was a-okay, and that she was not to be questioned.

This girl is going places, people.

As for me, it made me stop and think. What's really important? I had this dream last night that there was a fire and I lost every single thing I own, and was left completely destitute. It was upsetting. I was kind of out of sorts over it all morning, and then Little Miss M happened, and I realized that I'm the BFF of a pocket-sized first grader, and all is suddenly right in my world.

If you don't have a first grade BFF, I feel sorry for you.

Book Review: A Return of Devotion

(Click the book cover to visit the Goodreads page)

"Daphne Blakemoor was perfectly happy living in her own secluded world for twelve years. She had everything she needed—loved ones, a true home, and time to indulge her imagination. But when ownership of the estate where she works as a housekeeper passes on, and the new marquis has an undeniable connection to her past, everything she's come to rely upon is threatened.

William, Marquis of Chemsford's main goal in life is to be the exact opposite of his father. Starting a new life in the peace and quiet of the country sounds perfect until his housekeeper turns his life upside down.

They've spent their lives hiding from the past. Can they find the courage to face their deepest wounds and, perhaps, find a new path for the future together?" (Goodreads)

**FTC Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.**

Photo: Goodreads
Series: Haven Manor #2

You know how sometimes you finish a book and then you want to turn around and read it again right then? Yeah, that was this book. Kristi Ann Hunter hit every single right note for me, and then some. I loved the storyline, the characters, the conflict, and the resolution. It always felt genuine to me, which is super important for me to love a book. I have to believe it. I totally believed this one.

William and Daphne are perfect for each other. I don't know of a single other Regency hero I'd rather pair her with, because William was just so good. The best part about him is that he retained enough of the arrogance of his position to make the whole situation come alive. His internal conflict was fabulous, and I could really see his progress. Daphne was the perfect match for him, because she was just down-to-earth enough, while still keeping her quirkiness that made me love her in the first book. Her responses to pretty much EVERYTHING were spot on, and actually kind of reminded me of myself. Definite win when I can see myself in the heroine. I spent the entire book cheering for them.

Jess was delightful as well, and made me laugh out loud. The best line in the book was Jess's, "It was either that or the vase." You'll have to read to get the context of that one, but trust me. It's a gem. She's still mysterious enough to make me desperately want to get my hands on the next book. Luckily, Goodreads claims that it'll be out in November, so I don't have too long to wait.

I'm still in raptures about the plot here. Imagine a Regency-era gentlewoman taking on the daunting task of raising aristocratic by-blows. I just can't imagine it happening, and yet it's so incredibly believable and real here. It makes perfect sense, the way it all worked out. I don't want to give too much away (GO READ THE BOOK, LIKE RIGHT NOW), but believe me when I tell you that you'll end up a believer.

All in all, this book was perfect for me. I loved everything, and I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever seen a book.

5 stars!

You might also like:

Anything else by Kristi Ann Hunter

Anything by Sarah E. Ladd

Anything by Julie Klassen

Book Review: The Sky Above Us

(Click the cover image to visit Goodreads)

"Numbed by grief and harboring shameful secrets, Lt. Adler Paxton ships to England with the US 357th Fighter Group in 1943. Determined to become an ace pilot, Adler battles the German Luftwaffe in treacherous dogfights in the skies over France as the Allies struggle for control of the air before the D-day invasion.

Violet Lindstrom wanted to be a missionary, but for now she serves in the American Red Cross, where she arranges entertainment for the men of the 357th in the Aeroclub on base and sets up programs for local children. Drawn to the mysterious Adler, she enlists his help with her work and urges him to reconnect with his family after a long estrangement.

Despite himself, Adler finds his defenses crumbling when it comes to Violet. But D-day draws near. And secrets can't stay buried forever.

Bestselling author Sarah Sundin returns readers to the shores of Normandy, this time in the air, as the second Paxton brother prepares to face the past--and the most fearsome battle of his life." (Goodreads)

I received this book yesterday. I finished it yesterday. It's rare for me to devour a book in one sitting, but it was unavoidable with this gem. I absolutely loved it, and I didn't want to put it down for anything. It was full of everything that I love in Sarah Sundin's books - clean romance, WWII drama, plenty of action, a mystery to solve, and fabulous characters. All in all, it definitely made for a 5-star book.

Photo: Goodreads
Series: Sunrise at Normany #2

I really loved how BOTH characters had to go on a journey of redemption, not just one or the other. It drives me crazy when one party is set up to be the perfect one, and the other has to elevate to that level. Not so here. Both Adler and Violet (I really love that name!) had to come to terms with parts of themselves that weren't up to their standards. They traveled the path together, with God, and on their own at times. It was very believable and something I could totally relate to. I really liked both of them and was cheering for them the whole time. 

I appreciate how much painstaking research Sarah does into the battles she writes. I'm a student of WWII myself, and I didn't see anything that gave me pause. She's very careful with her history, and I really like that. It makes the war come alive, and helps me immerse myself in the story. In my opinion, that's the hallmark of a fantastic writer!

In the end, I absolutely loved this, would recommend it to anyone looking for a good historical fiction read, any fans of WWII fiction, and pretty much just anyone. My one complaint is that I now have to wait a year for Clay's story...

You might also like:
Literally anything else by Sarah Sundin
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
A Secret Courage by Tricia Goyer
The Line That Divides by Melanie Mason
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

Blobfish

This may be your first reaction upon getting to this post: OH MY WORD WHY ARE YOU EVEN WRITING ABOUT BLOBFISH WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

Let's talk about that.

So a few nights ago, I wasn't sleeping very well. I don't know about you, but when this happens to me, my mind tends to wander into strange places. In this case, my brain started wondering about blobfish.

I don't know why. It's not like I'm fascinated by blobfish, or even know that much about them. (although, thanks to this middle of the night musing, I know a LOT more than I did.) I think they're weird for sure, but kind of in the way that you think your fourth cousin two times removed is weird. You just don't think about them that much, or at all.

So blobfish. Here is what I learned at 2:30 in the morning:

1. They only look like blobfish when they've been decompressed. This means that they're usually super deep-water fish and their shape holds up down in the ocean trenches. The only way they look like grumpy little old men is when they've been brought up out of the deep and then turn into blobs. They actually look quite normal when they're in their natural habitat. Huh. 

Here's an artist's rendering of what they really look like:

Photo: Wikipedia

2. Blobfish look like sad, bald old men when they've decompressed.

Photo: Twitter

3. There is an actual market for blobfish merchandise. I started wondering if you could get blobfish purses, and the answer is YES OF COURSE YOU CAN.

Because why not?

Photo: Google Image Search

You're welcome.

Why on earth...

I have been almost the literal QUEEN of starting blogs and then not ever actually finishing... Oops. This time, I want it to include ALL the things that I want to work on, so that I don't have 50 different blogs going on, and so that I can keep up.

What will you find here?

Random thoughts, book reviews, outfits that I particularly like, accessories that I can't live without, makeup tips and tutorials (according to me, keeping in mind that I'm not a professional. I'm just a girl who likes makeup.), and stuff like that. I just want a place where I can collect my thoughts, no matter what they might be.

So welcome! Pull up a chair and stick around for awhile.