On being an introvert and a perfectionist...

Do any of you ever get that BLAH feeling and you just don't want to really engage? That's totally how I've been feeling about having much of a social life. I'm all talk these days. Let's go do something! We should get together! It would be fun to...

The list goes on and on. And I never follow through because I just haven't wanted to. I'm already an introvert, so going out after having already been out all day is just EXHAUSTING.

Okay, I know some people would not believe me for a single second about being an introvert because I'm SUPER GOOD at making people believe otherwise. Really, I could maybe make it as an actress if I only fit the current standard of beauty. Blah blah blah. Whatever.

No, I really am an introvert. When I get home, I am DONE. FINISHED. THE END. I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, interact in any way that requires actually speaking. I will sometimes text, but even that gets to be too much sometimes. It totally depends on the situation.

ANYWAY.

This all comes up because I am doing a Veteran's Day assembly at school on Monday, and I am DREADING IT. I shouldn't be dreading it. Veteran's Day is a super special day for me, and I always love talking about and honoring veterans.

Here's the thing: in addition to being an introvert, I am also a raging perfectionist, and the very thought of something not going as planned STRESSES ME OUT. Even though I know FULL WELL that I can't have everything work out every time. It doesn't matter. I still get super anxious about things like this because WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. Something will go wrong. This is a given. Knowing this does not in any way lessen my anxiety about it.

I am only a perfectionist when it comes to myself. I have this weird obsession about HAVING TO BE PERFECT at all times, and I'm totally not, so I'm constantly stressed about not being perfect. I KNOW. Circular argument in every sense.

It's awful.

Other people don't have to be perfect, even though I'll be fully honest and admit that it stresses me out there too when people don't do it the way I would, but I'm pretty good at keeping my mouth shut and just stressing in private.

I'm working on it.